They should really pass out barf bags in church
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
