I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
