he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
