I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
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You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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