While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
