his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Randomize
