Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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