i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
