The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
