he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
