Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
