Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
