The maid of honor just puked.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
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