It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize