someone get that fucking seahorse.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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