We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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