this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
