meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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