my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
