i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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