Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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