So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
