bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
