I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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