i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
