yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
