i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
