drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
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I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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