The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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