i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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