We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
