Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
