I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
