she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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