dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
