The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
