hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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