i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
