Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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