we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
