You made me cry and you don't even care
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
