So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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