you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
