You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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