Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
