I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
