respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
