If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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