i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
