Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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