i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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