My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
