just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
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It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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