I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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