I have demons in me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
