6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
