If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
