Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
