When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i love accidental penises.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
