Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
People in love make me want to vomit
You smell like stripper and shame
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
