This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
