I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
