Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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