he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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