Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
