You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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