Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
