Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
