I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
