i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
