I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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