We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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