He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Randomize
